“The term gendercide refers to the elimination of females in certain parts of the world through selective abortion, infanticide, severe malnutrition and medical neglect. Despite its cruelty, the crime passes under the radar because it occurs within the privacy of the family unit against a voiceless victim.

“Where does gendercide occur?

• East Asia – China, Vietnam, Singapore, and Taiwan
• South Asia – India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Pakistan, and Afghanistan
• West Asia – Turkey, Syria, Iran, Azerbaijan, Armenia, and Georgia
• Eastern Europe – Albania, Romania, Montenegro, Kosovo, and Macedonia
• North Africa – Egypt, Tunisia, and Algeria
• Sub-Saharan Africa – most countries
• Asian-American communities within the U.S. and Canada14

“The number of women missing in a country can be measured in two ways – as either absolute numbers or as a percentage of the female population. In absolute terms, the world’s two most populous countries have the greatest number of missing women – 66 million missing in China and 43 million missing in India.

“One of the reasons girls are so unwanted  in these societies, where there is little or no social security, is that parents look to their sons to support them in old age. Daughters generally leave their parents to live with their husbands’ families. The result of this “patrilocal” tradition is that daughters do not care for their own parents, but rather their husbands’ parents. China’s “one child only” policy has intensified the desire for that one child to be a son. In addition, the cost of marrying a daughter can be prohibitive. In India, for example, the cost of a dowry and a wedding can add up to several years of family income. Viewed this way, the birth of a daughter is an economic catastrophe”.

Source: Gendercide Awareness Project http://www.gendap.org/faq.html

Recently I attended an interesting talk on Gendercide. It was a small gathering of well educated members from the South Asian community. It was an eye opening discussion as I  didn’t know how common Gendercide was and the devastating effects it can have on society. Needless to say the facts are very disturbing. During the discussion all those present, including myself, wanted to know how we can  make a difference. Our education and elite social stratification made us view ourselves as outsiders looking down at a problem that exists amongst the less educated  and less fortunate. As I was listening to the discussion and proposed solutions, I couldn’t help ignore the thought that WE, the educated affluent South Asians,  are silent accomplices in this gendercide. In order to come up with solutions, WE have to first recognize our role in the creation and perpetuation of the problem.

I say this is because most of us still believe and in varying degrees propagate the stereotypical roles of daughters and women in society. We still believe our duties are more towards our in laws than our own parents. As good daughter in laws, we are responsible for our husbands’ families, looking after our elderly in laws, while our own parents are neglected. We strive to be great daughter-in-laws at the expense of being good daughters. We still believe in giving and taking dowries at the time of marriage. If not out of necessity than mere desire to follow tradition. We do not really believe sons and daughters are equal, we subconsciously view and categorize them as assets and liabilities. The only difference is we can ‘afford’ this liability. Where families cannot ‘afford’ the liability, can we really blame them for this shameful crime?

China and the Indian sub continent are good examples of societies where women from all stratas of society have become an active part of the work force. However, even though women are capable of earning, being economically productive and independent, society still views them as a liability. The reason being their income, time, existence belongs to their husbands and in laws which then creates another problem where parents do not feel the need to spend on a daughter. There is a saying in India, which sums up this attitude; “raising a daughter is like watering your neighbor’s garden”. The answer does not lie in cosmetic changes but in changing the equation of the balance sheet, redefining our assets and liabilities.  The solution lies in raising and viewing daughters as assets.

The list of countries where you see gendercide being most prevalent are societies deeply entrenched in traditions and social role playing. They are societies where the elite are looked up to as role models. Instead of just condemning the culprits, we need to change the traditions and expectations that view girls as an economic liability. We need to be the trendsetters in changing perceptions about daughters. We need to educate our daughters, as well if not better than our sons because they are responsible for  raising the next generation.  We must give them the tools to be economically independent. We must teach them to be good daughters not just good daughter in laws. We must teach them to shoulder responsibilities alongside sons. Most importantly, we need to allow our daughter in laws to shoulder and fulfill their responsibilities  as daughters towards their parents. We  need to stop giving dowries to our daughters especially if we can afford it. When we give what we can afford we have just contributed to a cycle where we have created a social liability for someone who cannot afford.

WE, the social elite, need to stop “affording” the liability of daughters and take “liability’ for why society cannot afford daughters……