Tag: parents

And The Countdown Begins…

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Recently it seems like there is a wave of parents in town, all coming to visit their sons, daughters, grandchildren. Last night while we were out meeting some friends for dinner, somebody said ‘it is nice to see all the oldies having fun and socializing with their friends’. It suddenly struck me how I had never thought of my own parents as ‘oldies’.  I have to admit that even though I am in my 30’s, in the equation I had created in my head, I was still viewing them as a ‘young’ couple and us as their children – and together we make a  nucleus.

In reality though, the equation has changed. They are no longer ‘young’. Even though it always seemed like they were the happening ones, with the busy social lives, making decisions, and  still in charge of the family…. the nucleus of the family has shifted.

This thought saddens me. Why? I myself don’t completely understand. May be because it is part of the circle of life and somewhere in it I can see my own reflection. I feel all our lives we are busy running after the next milestone. Soon after we are born, we are waiting to crawl, then walk, then talk, then start school, then go off to college, get our first job, find our soul mate, have children, buy our first house…..an endless list of milestones we are counting towards. Suddenly, somewhere along the line the countDOWN begins, and we don’t even realize it.

Our life seems to shift from a growth mode to a downsizing mode. Everything around us starts to shrink: our family, our friends, our square footage, the size of our car, our wardrobe, our appetite, our needs…and even our dress size . All the things we had amassed, worked hard for and accomplished over the years slowly go away, just as they came.You eventually even lose the basics skills you had mastered as a child: the ability to walk, run, climb stairs,  dress yourself.  It is like hitting the rewind button and watching your life in reverse.

You are slowly and sometimes painfully watching  the clock,  waiting for the countdown to end….but when the countdown started you never really knew.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children-George Bernard Shaw

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Youth is a window of opportunity given to us by life to change the world, for ourselves, and everyone around us. It holds in it the key to the past and the future. Then why do most of us waste our youth on just our children?

Do we view it as an insurance plan for our old age? Is it an extension of our ego? Or is it pure self-indulgence? I heard someone once say “if you could think of everyone around you like your children, the world would be a better place”. The more thought I give to this idea, the more it makes sense to me. We cover their weaknesses, build their strengths, are ever- forgiving,  patient, accommodating, unconditionally loving, caring, trusting and selfless with them. If we could feel this way about people around us; our families, parents, siblings, co-workers, employees, friends, how different our relations, interactions and experiences would be. How different the world would be.

I see hundreds of parents every day from different walks of life: different cultures, religions, social strata, and they all share one thing in common- an existence centered around their children.  Expressed through an overindulgence of food, toys, games, clothes, emotions and time.  They have no time, no  money and no love  left to give.  They are financially, emotionally and physically exhausted. I rarely see a parent love another child, I rarely see a parent feel happy for another’s child, I rarely see a parent appreciate another parent – even their own.

Has our unconditional and almost obsessive love for our children, damaged the basic fabric and balance of society. Leaving one segment over attended and all others unattended.My husband always says ‘love flows downwards – we all think our children will reciprocate what we are doing for them, but they won’t, they will do it for their children’.

I am not a parent, but if being a parent means allocating all your resources to just your children and embezzling on other’s  share of emotions, love and time , then I am glad we decided not to be parents. The world can do with one less criminal.